Are You a People Pleaser?

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.” – Bill Cosby

My name is Cindy, and I am a people pleaser.

Being a “nice person” was what I thought I was being --but it turns out I am a recovering people pleaser.  (And new to recovery at that.)  It’s still hard for me to admit and even harder to recognize when I’m doing it.  It turns out that I have been at it practically since I was born.

The key, I have learned, is to be outwardly focused to the exclusion of your own needs.  To always say “yes” even if you want to say “no”.  Not knowing how to set a boundary or to stand up for your own needs. (Or even knowing you have needs!) Oh, and don’t forget - always do it yourself, never ask for help.  Help others, but don’t ask for help in return.   Knowing that in some way saying yes, helping others, ignoring your own needs will bring you the love and acceptance you were desperatley  looking for -- but now the habit is ingrained and you have totally forgotten how it all started.  And love and acceptance is no where to be found.

People pleasing on auto-pilot.  Never a great place to be stuck.  It came to me recently that I was more interested in not hurting other people’s feeling than doing what was best for me.  I could suffer so the other person was happy, meanwhile I was unhappy, resentful and angry. Geez, how long had I been doing this?  For a long time.

Thankfully, I have some very caring and supportive people in my life that are open to me practicing setting boundaries and putting my needs first.  It’s an eye opening and interesting experience for me.  It is like learning a new language.  It takes looking inward and checking in with my feelings, desires and needs --a pretty foreign concept.  But, I’m in it for the long haul -- and this recovery, it looks and feels like healing to me!

Are you a People Pleaser?  How is it working out in your life? Tell me about it.