The Power of the Mighty SCALE!

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

When I think of my relationship to the bathroom scale it casts a shadow over my heart.  No matter how I approach it, the scale has always been my nemesis.  It has the power to change my entire attitude about myself, and forecast my mood for the day.  Oh sure, there have been times when I was dieting and losing weight that I loved the scale.  But there have been many more times that I have been dieting and feeling good - feeling lighter and I stepped on it and the number wasn’t agreeing.  There is nothing worse than strictly adhering to a diet, doing the weekly workouts, knowing I was doing everything right, then getting on the scale and gaining half a pound!  That is a killer.

What's also a killer is the elusive “goal weight”.  Everyone who has ever dieted knows about that.  The magic number on the scale that if and when you ever make it - you will have reached your goal and found the holy grail - THIN.  The point that makes this crazy - it is never about how the body feels, it's about the number.  I remember when I lost all that weight years ago and my Doc said I didn’t need to lose anymore.  He told me my BMI was perfect, my weight was well in the normal range and I was in excellent health.  I looked at him like he was crazy.  I needed to lose 8 more pounds to be at my “goal weight”.  I had completely disconnected from my body and was chasing a number on the scale that I arbitrarily thought would mean I was thin.  I honestly never felt or ever thought of myself as being thin. I could not accept that.  And I never did lose those last eight pounds - I never made it to THIN. 

It’s also a sad state when I can remember every major event of my life by how much I weighed at the time.  When I was married the first time I weighed 162 pounds.  The day I delivered my daughter, nine months pregnant, I weighed 211, in 6th grade, when we had our yearly weight and height taken I weighed 123 (I can remember that day clearly, like it was yesterday).  Never do I round these numbers up or down.  I know exactly what I weighed.  I’ve got dozens of memories attached to my body weight.  What’s that about?  Plus, I know I am not alone in this, I’ve heard many other women tell similar weight memory stories. What kind of misguided self-identification is that?  Our lives are so much more than a number on a scale. There should be some more meaningful marker of those times in our lives.

That is why giving up the scale is part of the first phase of Body Belief.  What would happen if we all just stopped weighing ourselves?  This obsession with the scale is part of the Fat Operating System that holds us in the never ending cycle of self-disapproval, disconnection from our bodies and the merry-go-round of dieting.  

It is time to stop weighing and start paying attention to how our bodies feel.  We need to stop setting a number goal to determine how we feel.  We need to start paying attention to things like how we can move our body, how our clothes fit, and  if our bodies feel light or heavy from inside our skin - not from looking at a dial on a piece of metal.  It might feel like breaking up with a good friend, but it’s not.  It’s more like letting go of a dysfunction, co-dependent relationship.  Give it a try!

Seeing Longing with New Eyes

The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.  - Marcel Proust

After my post about longing I thought I needed to explore it a bit deeper.  I decided to go to Webster and get a clear definition.

Definition of LONGING
long·ing noun \ˈlȯŋ-iŋ\
: a strong desire especially for something unattainable : craving
— long·ing·ly  adverb

Yes, that is it.  Longing is about a deep sense of hoping for the unattainable.  Wishing, hoping, wanting something so deeply, but never believing it could truly be yours.  Years ago I remember sitting with my niece at Borders bookstore looking at magazines.  We would pore through art and home design magazines and fantasize about art projects and redoing our homes.  While we were at the bookstore it felt like so much fun and I would get so inspired!  But then, on my way home and beyond, I would be over taken by this feeling of disappointment, sadness and longing. Other times I would go home and try to recreate the art project or figure out how I could make the great interior design look on the cheap.  Somehow that seemed like settling or making do, which didn't feel good either, and didn't fill that desire of my longing.  (Funny, I know people who have blogs that are just that - the person blogs about taking some expensive idea and then recreating it with low costs finds. That is certainly a different energy than I am talking about.)  For decades, since my first marriage in 1974 I have been taking found or recycled items and turning them into something usable.  For the longest time I thought I was doing it because it felt creative - but honestly it was because there was never enough money to get what I really wanted, so I did the best I could.  I must say I am really tired of that!  And that doesn't feel like inspired creativity anymore, but more like settling.  This make-do, longing mentality has followed me into many areas of my life.  It has become a reality that I am ready to let go of - big time!

This longing, dreaming about what seems impossible isn't healthy - it is creating a fantasy.  The fantasy becomes separate, outside myself - unattainable.  This kind of thinking really puts a big crimp in the prosperity consciousness required for working the law of attraction!  My niece calls this "fantasy meets reality".  So it boils down to that - dreams are really just fantasies, and reality just becomes disappointing.  Now that is a thinking process that is not going to create much happiness or abundance!

The truth is, I am actually a very positive person with a pretty good outlook on life.  But there is this longing part of me that has been with me as long as I can remember.  I remember as a child creating a fantasy world in my head to escape from my life.  There were times when I was a kid that I would sometimes  just get lost in the fantasy.  As I got older, I saw the "fantasy building" as my creative spirit just needing to exercise itself.  But now, as I am working on this Body Belief project and learning to change my thoughts in order to change my life, I see it as counter to my needs and very unproductive!.  When I try to visualize something really coming into my life, it gets washed away by that old habit of the fantasy escape.  I don't want my new dreams to escape into fantasy.  I want them to manifest into reality!

As a fat person, I always longed to be thin.  That longing felt like something that I could never possess. Even when I reached a state of "thin" it wasn't wired into my mind that it could be maintained, that I could be a thin person- because it was always just a fantasy.  It was part of my "fat operating system".

It is time I believe in the possibilities, a new paradigm.  One where fantasy becomes reality!  Longing is just another form of low vibration energy.  For me it is based in fear and lack.  It's time I let go of longing, think broader, dream bigger and BELIEVE!

Dieting is Not the Answer!

The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.  ~Author Unknown

There is a concept that I have had a hard time letting go of  - the concept that the only way to lose weight is by dieting. And the belief that I am the failure because I haven't been able have a diet work long term for me.  It never occurred to me to blame the diet. My first (and only) response was to think that I am the weak willed, undisciplined, diet failure.  And that eventually I'm going to have to buckle down and really get clean, and follow some diet to really lose weight (again).  And, that's exactly what the "diet industry" wants me to think!  (Regardless of the 95% failure rate I discussed in a previous blog.)

But, a bigger part of me, my inner knowing says . . . bulls#it! I have dieted off and on since I was 10 years old and all I have accomplished was to develop an obsession with food, a distorted  body image and a loss of self-esteem! Lasting weight loss was never the outcome!

For over five and half years I followed a weighed and measured food plan (diet).  I totally abstained from sugar, flour and wheat products.  During that time I never had a slice of bread, a cookie, piece of cake or even a banana (too high in sugar content).  I stopped eating pasta, anything that contained any type of sweetener, nothing processed, and I took my own food nearly every where I went.  Oh, and did I say that I didn't have ice cream or chocolate or crackers or pizza or chips or caffeine or even avocados (too high in fat) or practically anything yummy for five and half years!  I felt like a freak trying to live in the normal world.  My whole life revolved around what I couldn't eat and being dedicated to not eating it. Yes, I lost a bunch of weight.  Yes, I felt good and was healthier. But, the bottom line, it was nearly impossible to maintain that kind of dedication and focus long term.  It was hard to not live in the real world with real, everyday food.  I even took my own dressing and seasoning to restaurants. I carried emergency "clean" food in my car incase I was in a situation where all they were serving was pizza. Food, or the controlling of my food intake, consumed my life!

I remember, during that time, going to a beautiful holiday party at a friends house.  There were tables loaded with delicious looking foods, alcohol flowed freely. People were engaged and enjoying the experience - eating, drinking, laughing, talking.  But not me.  I just couldn't take my focus off the food and all that I was missing - the party experience.  I realized there was nothing there I could eat or drink, everywhere I moved through the house people were eating and talking about the delicious food.  I was a food addict in a food fest and I knew I had to get out. I remember grabbing my coat (a very cool tapestry coat with a fake fur collar and cuffs, in a very small size) and running out of the house.  It felt so sad. I went home and cried. I just wanted to feel normal!  (Shortly there after I started sneaking to Paneria's Bread Shop and binging on scones and short bread cookies.  You know the rest of the story.)

So, I ask, did I fail the diet or did the diet fail me? Did the deprivation make me crazy? Is it realistic to go on a diet and stay on it for the rest of your life.  Can I learn about moderation and making healthy choices?  Is it really about the food?

I think there is way more to it.  It's about so much more than the food.  That is what my Body Belief journey is all about.  The first step is letting go of that pull - the pull to just try one more diet. Every time I gone on a diet it has served as a distraction from finding the real truth.  It's a losing game that I refuse to play any longer.  Diet's are not the answer.

For today, I am letting go of that fantasy.  I am looking inward, where the real knowledge of my body exists.   I have built a pretty sizable wall that has separated me from that inner knowing my body has to offer me.  The first layer of that wall is the belief that diets are going to solve the problem.  I'm peeling that away, and along with it a whole host of other "diet mentality" related beliefs.  There is much more to discover.  I'll let you know what's next!

The Energy of Longing

You don't get what you want, you get what your vibrate. - Michael Losier

One of the big principals I am working on (and have been for a long time) is the Law of Attraction (LOA).  Lately I have had some insights that seem to be hitting me over the head.  There are a couple of teachers I have become attracted to lately - Danielle LaPort and Lynn Grabhorn. The theme of the over-the-head-hitting and the teachings of Danielle and Lynn is connecting the reality that what is in my life at this moment is a result of the "feeling" vibrations I have been sending out into the Universe.  This is a distinction of the LOA that I have learned but didn't truly understand until recently.

Over the years I have learned this truth about the LOA:  Your thoughts create images, those images evoke feeling, your feeling create energy, that energy is a vibration that goes into the world to find "like" vibrations.  So you get what you think about.  Right?  Right!  But there is something deeper that I have been missing and that is the word feeling.  Feelings are what really stimulate the energy that creates the vibration that goes out into the world.  The thought begins the process, but the feeling is the power.  It is how your thoughts make you feel that determines the eventual outcome.  This is huge when it comes to the Body Belief issues. Huge!

The other day this crystalized in my brain during a moment of feelings clarity!  I was day dreaming about clothes.  In a magazine I saw this really cute outfit and I started thinking about how I would love to wear that style.  At first it felt good - I was getting motivated about losing weight and getting healthy and wearing that outfit and feeling fantastic.  But, within seconds, the feeling shifted.  It turned into a feeling of longing, longing for something I saw as impossible or so far away that it made me sad and I began to feel less than.  My thought shifted to how fat I am now and how I remembered after losing weight how fun it was to wear clothes in a small size.  The sense of longing took on a life of its own and I realized that what I was feeling was not going to create the life I really wanted.  The way I was feeling was going to continue  to create the life I already had.  One of being fat and feeling "less than", on the outside looking in.  A very low vibration.

It was during this experience that I clearly saw how longing is a very negative emotion for me. (For anyone, actually.) And more importantly, I saw the connection between thoughts - images - feelings - energy - vibration.  And, if I want to change my life, I have to change my feelings.  I don't need to go another diet - I need to get in touch with what feelings my thoughts create.  Very powerful.  It has been helping me pay better attention to where my mind wanders and I can recognize when I need to do a vibration alignment much more quickly!  This understanding of longing was a important insight for me, and I will have to mull it over for a while!  More to follow.

Are You Part of the 95%?

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.    - John Dryden

Last Friday on ABC's 20/20 they aired a special on weight loss, particularly people who have lost lots of weight (half their body weight).  During one of the segments they discussed the statistics about weight loss success.  I have heard and read this many times before, but it always gets to me when I hear it again.  Here it is - 95% of all people who lose weight on diets gain it back within two years!   Think of that!  Ninety-five percent of all people who lose weight dieting gain it back.  I know you can do math - but that means only 5% of people lose weight with a diet and keep it off!

Diet Cruise Line

That is a flabbergasting statistic!  It's ridiculous. Who in their right mind would go on a diet if the verified results are a 95% failure rate?  Think about that - if you were going on vacation and decided to take a cruise and the cruise line told you that 95% of their ships sink would you buy tickets?  Or would you book a flight with an airline that had a record of 95% of their planes crashing?  That is insanity!  But every day, people everywhere are starting a diet or eating plan to lose weight knowing that the failure rate is 95%.  We all hope we will be one of that 5%.  How has that percentage worked out in your life?

For me, I was one of the 5%.  I lost over 160 pounds and kept it off for over 4+ years.  I was elated, I thought I had it licked.  When my first granddaughter was born I was so happy she would never know me as a fat person.  It was a whole new life - a whole new me.  Surprise! Today she is 9 years old and I am now a fat grandma.  I have gained back over 100 pounds.  Here I am out of the 5% and again a member of the dreaded 95%! 

What is the answer?  Well, I can tell you one thing, it is not a diet!  The greatest insight I had in the process of losing 160 pounds and then gaining 100 back, is that it is not about the food, diet plan or exercise routine.  It is much deeper than that.  Sure, I ate healthy and exercised to lose all that weight.  But, the entire time I never changed the most important thing I needed to change and that was my thinking.  Never did I ever feel "thin", there was always some part of my body that I felt was still fat, or looked bad.  I was totally focused on a number - if the number on the scale read "the" number than I had reached my goal and made it to "thin".  I never reached that number, so I never felt like I was a real success.  Crazy, right?  Sure, that's because in my mind I was still a fat person in a thin body. I never gave up my fat mentality!  I never changed my belief system.  And that is the key! 

Forget about the 95%, ditch the diets and the mentality that created it!  Body Belief is about creating a new paradigm - a new belief system.  That's what I am doing.  I know it's hard to give up that familiar old pattern.  Buying into the craziness of the hope of the 5%.  But let it go and make a bigger, deeper change.  Start by stopping.  Stop doing everything you've always done and try something new! Go in a drastic new direction! Shake it all up! 

Instead of thinking about starting a diet, join a dance class instead or go to a Meet-up group about foreign films.  Instead of weighing yourself, throw the scale away and write "You are BEAUTIFUL exactly as you are!" on your bathroom mirror with lipstick!  The next time you look at some type of food and immediately think "oh I can't eat that - it's fattening" leave the store (or restaurant) and go to the florist or garden center and buy yourself some flowers or better yet, say to yourself "Yes, I can eat that!" and have a big old helping THEN go buy yourself some flowers! Do anything to get yourself out of the old rut of the diet mentality.  There is a saying from Henry Ford that fits perfectly here, so listen up.  

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Henry Ford (1863-1947), American founder of the Ford Motor Company

And that folks, is being part of the 95%!  Are you ready for a change?

The beginning . . . . Letting Go!

You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it.  - Albert Einstein

The first part, lesson, step, principal of Body Belief is LETTING GO!  Yes, that's it, letting go.  Letting go of all the ways you've tried in the past to lose weight and change your body.

That includes: diets (all diets even ones we call "food plan"), exercise programs, naming food "good" or "bad",  weighing yourself (yes, that's right), any behavior that looks and feels like "starting" a diet or some health program. No fasting or New Year's detox.  Really!

The key to a new paradigm is change.  Albert Einstein said, "You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it."  And no wiser advice has ever been given.   Each year we all want to start the year off in a new way. Losing weight, exercising and getting healthy, but we also know that we've tried that for the past 20 or so years and we are still fat.  OR, we started off the year great, lost some weight, starting getting fit and then one day woke up and forgot we ever heard the word "gym" or "low fat".  That is trying to solve the problem with the same mind that created it!

This year I've decided to try something new.  I'm starting off the year doing the exact opposite of what I normally do.  If I start thinking of going on a diet, I immediately tell my self "NO!" and  think of something I haven't tried to change before - like my thinking!  

I've been reading a book by Lynn Grabhorn called Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting and she talks about the 16 second rule. If you start thinking an old, negative and defeating thought, you have 16 seconds to recognize it and switch it to a new thought - especially a thought that makes you feel good.   I realized that when I start thinking about how I need to go on a diet the next thought is usually about how unhappy I am with my body and my life and I start to feel bad.  So all my thinking about dieting and changing my eating just leads back into that downward spiral of the diet mentality.  And that is not going to led to the change I want!

So, I have been paying attention to the 16 second rule.  As soon as I start to think one of those old patterned thoughts, I can see it immediately and I switch it in the opposite direction.  Yesterday my thoughts started going to how much weight I have gained and how I long its going to take to get in shape and BAM I heard it and recognized I needed to shift to thoughts that make me feel good.  So, I went to my computer, clicked on my iTunes and started playing a great song by Bill Withers called Lovely Day and it instantly changed my energy,  I danced around my office and I started feeling good.  It works!  This year I am doing things differently!

New Year . . . New Journey

Happy New Year! Welcome to the New Era! And a new journey for me . . . . 

We all survived the Mayan end of world predictions! Yipee! Solstice 2012 marked the end of the Mayan time and the beginning of a new era. Birth 2012 was celebrated the world over with people rejoicing the birth of a world focused on coming together as people and a planet working cooperatively to let love and peace become our focus. They are also recognizing that spreading this philosophy with modern technology is the key to connecting us world wide. It is an amazing time to be alive.

The Birth 2012 organizers asked us to consider what we want to "birth" into the new era. What ways we can work to spread love, peace and connection. They asked each of us to connect with our inner knowing and bring our gifts to the world. Now is the time.

After some careful consideration and thoughtfulness, I decided what I am ready to birth. For years, decades, well. . . . mostly my entire life, I have struggled with body image, self worth and lived an externally focused life. I can recall the events of my life by how much I weighed at the time or what dress size I wore. The obsession has run my life - it is the factor I consider before agreeing to go places, attend events, or even what jobs I held. To say that my self-worth and perceived body image controlled my life is an understatement. And I know I am not alone.

What would my life look like today if I lived from an inner knowing of my internal beauty and value? A lot different. What if all women were connected to that knowing and were spending their lives living with passion and following their hearts calling? What a different world this would be.  Even if a few woman let go of their preoccupation with their body image and instead focused on their own authentic power,  it would be amazing!

That is why I have decided to birth a movement - the Body Belief movement. It is something I have been working on and talking about for years. But, I have been holding back, filled with shame and regret from losing and gaining weight, feeling ill equipped to bring this forth. Even more, I've been afraid to go public and take this stand for what I know can create a new paradigm. My fear of being open and vulnerable have held me back. Until now!

Now, I'm ready. And it begins with me. I will be spending the next year following the principles I am developing and chronicling my journey in my blog. At the same time I will be working on a book and workshop.

Right now the small, scared me is thinking "Who do I think I am? Who am I to think I have an answer to this huge issue?" But, deep inside there is a bigger, wiser, loving voice that is telling me, "Who are you to NOT bring forth your truths? Who are you to NOT express your gifts? Go for it girl!"

So with blind faith I am listening to that voice - let the journey begin!

Respectfully, Cindy